hot libarians, one sided converations and uber emo-ness

everyone has a blog apparently, and now i do too. so here it goes...

one of the most exciting things that happened to me resently is i saw my long lost barns and noble eye candy. it's been months. it's nice to know i can still stalk if the erge ever arrises. the last time i saw him i walked into a book self while staring at him. i'm about 95% sure he saw me do it to. so i stopped being a creep for a while. i feel like an idiot that it's been 4 years since i formed my little crush, and i still refuse to actaully have a conversation with him. but in this case, i think my imagination is much more exciting than any interaction between us would ever be. so i'll just keep on stalking and day dreaming, and he'll just keep on being so darn good looking.

next, i have definitive and revokable proof that god is real, at least to me. now it might sound a bit insane, and most likely it is, but i was drving home from a less then fruitful job hunt, when god and i had a heart to heart. i won't expond on the entire conversation (it was rather lenghy and a bit dramatic). but i can say that after i asked god to give me a sign that he or she, or it was really real, and infact really listening, i got my sign. which came in the form of a very ironic and meaningful playlist that came on in barns and nobles. crazy, i know. but it makes sence to me, which in the end is all that really matters. so now that i know god is real, and he isn't blind to my uber emo life, i wanted to do something for god. to show him, her or it. that i am willing to meet him, her or it half way. what did i come up with? quiting smoking. so as of 5 this afternoon, i have been trying to quit. and have smoked about 7 ciggs since that time. it's a work in progresss.

moving on to my uber emo-ness. idk if it's pms, or the changeing of the seasons, or that i just really miss my mom, or a combination of them all, but i have been insanly emotional in the resent days. i have cried everyday for the past week, over nothing, and everything at the same time. everything has been setting me off. i came home to an empty house, dropped off a friend, and went to school and didn't like the lession plan, i was near hysterics each time. i don't know. maybe next week i won't be so insane. maybe i just am insane. but i read that you can classify someone as crazy, bc they aren't aware that their actions are irratic and abnormal. i am blaringly aware of how unstable i am. so by that logic i'm not unstable. that theory is pretty fubared.

lastly, i am inlove with vampire weekends new single "giving up the gun" it's epic and very relatable if you can understand the words.